


Someone to Hold

by TheBlueLynx



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First War with Voldemort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Romantic Fluff, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:09:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22971520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBlueLynx/pseuds/TheBlueLynx
Summary: Why?When night gathers and the hidden fears come to life, we all need something to hold on to...someone to hold on to.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 25





	Someone to Hold

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea where this came from, I was just walking home one day and that scene just appeared in my mind. I have never written fanfiction before and english is my second language so I'm really sorry for the mistakes! 
> 
> P.S. Check out Demons by Alec Benjamin if you haven't listened to it, I think that song will go along with our boys pretty well!

They are in the Astronomy tower, staring at the night sky, James and Peter are already asleep. These days were cloudy and foggy, but now the sky is clear and there are so many stars, thousand little flames illuminating in the darkness. It was always comforting to Remus to look at them, there are so far away but always there, unchangeable, not caring of the human worries, problems, and _wars_. He understands that the time they live in will not be an easy one. Till now there were some rough times for sure but they found peace and security in Hogwarts and now he knows that all that has come to an end, he can feel it in his bones. _Whose life is an easy one anyway?_ When Remus was growing he always thought that someday will die because of his lycanthropy, that he will never taste normal human life. But when Dumbledore has opened the doors of the school for him everything changed. He has found his family here, found the love he never let himself believe exists in the world. The thought, even the chance of losing it all, is something he cannot bear.

"Why are you so quiet?" Sirius is looking at him now with that concerned expression he made sometimes when Remus is sick after the full moon or when he feels something bad is coming - his senses are stronger than anyone Remus knew. He's never wrong. Those grey eyes are shining even brighter than the stars. Every time Remus looks at him he just wants to run away. Somewhere that there is no war, no blood, and fear for tomorrow. Just he and Sirius and maybe one another big dog...not black. Lily and James coming to their house, someday with their kids. Drinking tea with Pete and all their friends. Talking about everything and nothing for hours, falling asleep in each other's arms every night...somewhere he can stare at those grey eyes without tears filling his own.

"I'm often quiet, love, you should know it by now." He tried to manage some dry laugh but sounded more like a sob.

"Not like that. You are tense." He is going really worried, didn't even need to use his sixth sense on Remus, they knew each other so well that sometimes is weird even to him. 

"Just thinking, you know, try sometimes" Remus is hoping that stupid joke will go, making him sound light, but it's not working. The fear is written on his face.

"Very funny, jester" Sirius is not even smiling. "Tell me." 

"It's nothing really, I'm just imagining our future life in some cute cottage, surrounded only by trees and birds and rivers..." Remus hugs him tighter like he's scared that Sirius will disappear.

"And how that's supposed to make you sad? Sounds pretty good to me." The wind is starting to blow sharper and Sirius shivered in his arms.

"No, love, in fact, I think I can't think for anything better." That life is his dream. But a _dream_.  
  
"So why my gorgeous boyfriend is looking like someone is dying?" 

"Because someone _is dying_ , Sirius!" _No_. He didn't mean to say it like that but can't pretend everything is fine now, everyone knows it's not. "Our life is one big masquerade! I just can't stand it. It's in my head all the time - the thought of James, or Peter, Lily, or any of our friends suffer is terrifying! But the thought of something might happen to _you_ is the worst thing I can imagine. It's so painful that I can't even breathe sometimes!"

"None of that is going to happen." Sirius is not looking at him anymore. Remus knows he is hiding tears.

They just don't talk about any of that, nor are their friends. At least not with each other - everything about the distant future is taboo. No tomorrow, only now. Because tomorrow can never come.

"You know it, the magic world is falling apart, soon we will have no choice but to fight!" Remus is nearly screaming, it's just so much pain, he is drowning in it like the sun is forever gone, no light, only darkness, endless suffering ahead till the end of time. Why has this had to happen to them? Why now, when they found each other, why the universe has brought them together, let them have real friends, a _family_ , when they are going to lose it anyway? God is cruel. If even has one, Remus is not sure now.

"I know that if we lose hope we lose everything," His sharp intense gaze found Remus' eyes again. "We will fight and will win, nothing less. The hope is all we have, all that has left, I don't intend to lose that anytime soon, thank you very much." 

"I...I just don't know what to do...I can't live without you." It hurts how truthful these words are.

"And you will never have to" Sirius says that so softly it was almost a whisper. He sounds so certain, that for a moment, just a _moment_ , Remus let himself believe it's true, that everything will be alright and they can have that future, with a small cottage, and a dog, even kids someday. It was so beautiful, so _real_ in his mind. 

Maybe they will somehow really make it, maybe it's not so hopeless after all. He needs something to hold on to, something to keep him _sane_. And if that's just bare hope Remus is here for it.

"I love you." That's his only truth right now, the only thing he knows will never change.

The wind is blowing but they don't shiver anymore. 

"I love you too" 

Sirius' eyes are really shining brighter than the stars. Always have.


End file.
